The World's Shortest Fairy Tale

In consideration of our discussion about the media-imposed portrayal of women, I began to think about whether I am--though we all think we're immune-- a product of the media's expectations of gender roles. I know I am a "girlie-girl" in a hair/shoes/makeup/nails/shopping/shoes/flowers/valentines/did I say shoes?/romance/spa-day/hand-holding kind-of-way. There are other aspects of my life where I don't necessarily subscribe to society's rules and expectations for me as a woman, and I do it my way. But there are times when being traditional-mommy seems like it would be good for my kids, and I try-- really I do. So one day when I was really stressed and under a bunch of deadlines and I was mommy-on-demand for my 14 month old, I started to crumble. But before I did, I made a really mean & selfish comment to the baby (she couldn't possibly know what I was saying) in an attempt to make myself feel better. I started mumbling about how if it wasn't for her, I'd be waxed, and plucked, and tanned, and highlighted, and massaged, and manicured, and coiffured, and bejeweled, and designer-dressed, and perfumed, and de-wrinkled, and botoxed, and surgically enhanced, and...I think I went on for twenty or so minutes. And then I felt awful. I decided that confessing this horrific maternal disgrace to a very few (exactly three: one close friend and two family members) would absolve the guilt I feel every time I look at my sun-shiny, happy, brilliant, smiley, toe-headed miracle. My aunt, who is one of the chosen three and is such because she is the 58 year old version of me (though much wiser and more educated than I) sent the following. She knew I would cherish it forever and would share it appropriately. Consider yourself warned if you can (a) locate and (b) know how to use the attachments on your vacuum and (c) this is relevant because you haven't hired a cleaning person since you "can do it better." Enjoy:

THE WORLD 'S SHORTEST FAIRY TALE...

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry
me?" The girl said, "NO!" And the girl lived happily ever after
and went shopping, dancing, yachting, drank martini's, always had
a clean house, never had to cook, did whatever the hell she
wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, traveled more, had many
lovers, didn't save money, and had all the hot water to herself.
She went to the theater, never watched sports, never wore
friggin' lacy lingerie that went up her ass, had high self
esteem, never cried or yelled, felt and looked fabulous in everything
including sweat pants and was pleasant all the time. The End.