Week 4: "Second Shift"

Many of us have heard of and/or experience what sociologist Arlie Hochschild calls the “second” shift. This is what is referred to as the “second job” employed women have in their own home. It’s the other “job” we do when we get home: cooking, cleaning, laundry, counseling, chauffeuring, scheduling, tutoring, planning, and whatever else the rest of the household doesn’t do that falls into the woman’s agenda. Not only is the second shift exhausting, it is unappreciated, taken for granted, and downright resented when the kids and hubby just want some attention and loving from mom. Let’s not forget to mention the psychological responsibility we assume as wives and mothers. It’s not enough to come home and entertain much of what I mentioned above in a single night, but we also have to consider the mental exhaustion that accompanies “the other stuff”. This is the responsibility of remembering this “stuff” which is, but not limited to: scheduled appointments for all family members such as: doctors, dentists, orthodontists, pediatricians, dermatologists, chiropractor, and hair; my husband’s business travel schedule, babysitters, shopping for the house which includes “inventory control”, meal planning, personal products, sale items, bulk items, school & home office supplies, health food store only items, prescriptions including renewals & pick-ups, consumer research for major purchases such as furniture, bedding, appliances, lawn, garden & patio supplies, vacation planning, more scheduling, birthday parties (to throw and attend), gift purchases, family obligations, and let’s not forget all of my family’s planning needs to orbit around the semi-fixed schedule I have with my ex-husband as to when my older daughter is here at my house or at her dad’s. I actually have to coordinate the scheduling of when my family comes to visit from Florida, our vacations, and any other major life-events in conjunction with my ex’s new family and their multitude of significant happenings.

I’m sure this is a fraction of what the mother of a larger family would attend to when including after-school sports, ballet, and whatever else the kids are doing that season. It shouldn’t surprise us, that there are health consequences to be paid for all of this psychological babble in our heads and the endless array of lists and planning devices used to keep it all at our fingertips wherever we may be. Extreme stress, fatigue, and being susceptible to illness are just a few of the prizes we win for doing more than our fair share. I don’t know what the answer is. I’ve tried delegating some of this to uh-hum, you know who. And he has planned & booked most of the family’s vacations in recent years. But he still needs my input on the schedule thing, and hitting the “book now” button doesn’t alleviate the stress of wondering, “Do we all have passports? My name changed 4 years ago but my passport didn’t and I’m sure he booked me under ‘Brown’ not my maiden, oh shit now I need to get a new passport; and the baby doesn’t have one; and Lauren’s expired cause kids only last for 5 years and he’s thinking ten; and now I have to get Lauren’s Dad to notarize the absent parent form…..ugh.” See what I mean?...